A
Pastor’s Note to a Young Family Considering a “Bigger” Church
Guest Article Written by Will Jacobs
Friend,
I want you to know that I sympathize with you and your
wife’s situation. I also appreciate you being honest with me about your
struggles and potentially seeking another church with a better equipped and
vibrant youth program. Your child is definitely at an age where he is most
vulnerable to either positive or negative choices, and seeking a community of
peers that will help him in the right direction is not only wise but biblical
(Psalm 1)! As you wrestle and pray through this very important decision let me
offer some helpful insights/suggestions/observations, for what it’s worth.
1.
No matter the vibrancy and health of a church
youth program, nothing will transform your children’s lives more than you and your
wife.
The
Bible greatly emphasizes the important role of the parents in the lives of
their children. Deuteronomy 6:1 and following speaks of the parents as the
primary teachers of their children. Proverbs, for example, is an entire book
where a father seeks to pass on godly principles to his son. The apostle Paul,
in Ephesians 6:1-4, admonishes dads to “instruct their children in the way of
the Lord.” Along with that, Titus 2:4 speaks of the importance of the mom
loving her kids. One of the major confusions among Christians today is that
many understand churches to be the primary spiritual teachers of their
children. But, in actuality, the church is simply meant to equip the family
(see Ephesians 4) and supplement the parents so they can train their children
well themselves. The parents are supposed to be the primary spiritual leaders and
teachers of their children.
2.
If you and your wife are not 100%
devoted to the local church in attendance and service, it doesn’t matter how great
of a youth group you find for your child—he will most likely leave the church
after he is out of the home.
One article
has shown that “82% of children raised by
parents who talked about faith at home attached great importance to their
beliefs. It also found that children who were active in their congregations
while growing up tended to be religiously active as young adults. It was
parents engaging with their children about their faith that made the
difference.” Thus, a constant self-examination of both you and your wife’s
devotion to Christ is very important. You must ask the questions: If the kids
were not in the picture would this still be a major concern for us—would we still
have a hunger and desire to be committed to Christ and His church? I believe if
you and your wife’s devotion to Christ is primary, then your children will
follow. Discipleship is “caught” as much as “taught.”
3.
Youth DO need good and godly people around
them, even peers.
While
I believe youth programs are not necessary
for kids to grow in their Christian faith, I do believe surrounding them with
Christian influences is necessary. The apostle warns us in one place, “Bad
company corrupts good character.” So, your child needs Christian friends and
acquaintances rather than being out on his own or wandering into a bad crowd.
However, if kids have godly parents who exemplify and emphasize holiness, and
they are involved in a church where the people surround him with love and
support, I truly believe this is a sufficient influence for his Christian
development. Yes, Christian peers of the same age can be beneficial (and they
seem to naturally come given time), but what is necessary is the example of
godly parents, a godly church, and peers to show your child how to live.
4.
As long as you and your wife are devoted
to a Bible-believing, God-honoring, Christ-exalting local church (and find one
with a youth program you feel is more beneficial to the growth of your children),
then you have my full blessing to go to that church (not that you need my blessing).
The
selfish part of me would obviously desire that you stay with us, but I
ultimately want to see the spiritual growth of your family. I understand that
at our current stage as a church we are unable to provide families with some of
the options other churches have available. I am confident that as we grow
numerically we will be able to offer more opportunities for our kids, but as of
now we simply do the best we can with the resources we have. Thus, if you
prayerfully decide to devote yourselves to another local church in order to
help your child in his Christian walk, then, by all means, do so. We will be
100% on your side and praying for God to use whatever church you join to assist
you in training your kids in the instruction of the Lord.